Way too much!!

She feels like her insides are rotten now,

The darkness that surrounds her is getting darker with each passing seconds,

Along with the intensity of numbness in her heart!

She is giving up on the things slowly, unnoticeably!!

She always felt way too much,

Smallest things made her happy,

And slightest change hurt her.

Though happiest things were shared multiple times,

When pain only pierced her in silence;

All of it was being stacked inside her,

And the tears were buried ruthlessly.

All alone, almost everytime!!

May be silence makes it worse.

It happened so many times already that

It became a habit,

More like a Lifestyle! 

She was immuned to the small doses of pain,

The kind of doses that increased each time she takes in...

Good thing was that this immunity made the pain feel less painful!!

The desire of being accepted 

Drove her to perfectionism;

Which constantly fueled her insecurities!!

In this long exhaustive process confident girl inside her was lost,

Anxiousness took over rationalism,

Breaking her into pieces she couldn't pick and assemble back into shape!!

Each piece of her Heart, her dreams

prickled her, it was excruciating;

She constantly bled inside.

Even after leaving unseen traces of well concealed anguish,

She was glad that no one notices them!!

She hid them so well that 

All of the weird mess was clotted and locked inside,

Slowly started to mold in the process of moving forward,

Every time she goes around smiling she can smell the stench

Of her insides which disgusts her!!

She felt all of the things way too much;

That the void inside was also too loud to her!

To silence it she filled that with whatever she got,

She wanted to breathe again,

But the void she felt once is now filled with agony

That rot inside her,

Now, as she feels too much of everything

She is feeling too much of the rotten self also!!

- Pallavi Kabbinahithlu