KADUGUSUMA

She feels like her insides are rotten now, The darkness that surrounds her is getting darker with each passing seconds, Along with the intensity of numbness in her heart! She is giving up on the things slowly, unnoticeably!! She always felt way too much, Smallest things made her happy, And slightest change hurt her. Though happiest things were shared multiple times, When pain only pierced her in silence; All of it was being stacked inside her, And the tears were buried ruthlessly. All alone, almost everytime!! May be silence makes it worse. It happened so many times already that It became a habit, More like a Lifestyle!  She was immuned to the small doses of pain, The kind of doses that increased each time she takes in... Good thing was that this immunity made the pain feel less painful!! The desire of being accepted  Drove her to perfectionism; Which constantly fueled her insecurities!! In this long exhaustive process confident girl inside her was lost, Anxiousness took over rationali

  It hurts a lot when I realize that I’m no longer the ‘I’ whom I knew… The epiphany comes at the most unexpected moments Perhaps at the worst time? The untimely realization leaves me with nothing but wonders. I ponder how things had been by trying to remember the moments that I forgot with effort. I succeed in helping myself only with tidbits of memory, About which I’m no longer certain… It just feels like a nightmare or a dream… It just feels like a story once I’ve been told… And I wonder, How things once were so important to me are just ‘NOTHING’ today… For a second, I think the effort to forget had paid off… But, No! It was completely futile, Because had I not put the effort to forget, I would have forgotten the things altogether… So, now I’m making an effort To just let the things be… To let the time do its job To meet the strangers around as well as within… -Panchami Kabbinahitlu

  There he stands again with a bouquet of daisies that he could never give… He was too late to get a chance to apologize… Only teardrops were left to decorate that lifeless face; Does he even deserve to stand there?! He was blind to all the longings in the other’s eyes; He was deaf to all the pleadings; He was dumb when he was supposed to speak up for the other; He was the one who mercilessly walked away Leaving the other helpless, Taking away the sole reason to survive! His life changed forever at that moment… The pages of the calendar keep turning, But the page in the Book of Life never changed; There is no color left to ink the pages… The blue that dawned upon never vanished; The season remained the same Without the warmth of the sun, Without the sweet aroma of blossoms, Without the lullaby of birds, Without the colorful butterflies… Fate was so cruel to him that, Even the magic of time didn’t work on him Everything is as vivid as if it just

  I don’t know how people talk so easily; Say everything they think, With the words that feel just right! I can’t do this thing that everyone else can do; So I chose poetries, I chose photographs, And some paragraphs!! I silently listened to every word you say And noted down the things you loved, I excitedly learned about them, So that we can talk more, Hoping to spend some more time with you…   I used to smile just hearing your name, I used to be happy at the thought of your existence, I used to jump out of joy at your excitement, I used to not miss any minute expressions you make, I used to get curious about your curiosities!!   I thought we were close enough When we gave nicknames to each other, When we teased each other, When we trusted each other When you cried on my shoulder, When you started to share all your victories first with me, When we shared our silence quietly away from everyone Just us!! At all of those moments I trust